Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Beginning, Part 3 (Dating)...

In my Part 2 post, I write about how I shared our situation with my very close friends and family.  It's so important to have friends and family to support you, even if they don't totally understand the situation.

Here is Part 3... this is where I will give you a glimpse of how confusing I feel my world is sometimes.

So as I noted in my post about educating myself on this whole transgender thing, I am better able to cope with things when I read and learn about it.  One big item for everyone to fully understand is that "gender," "sex" and "sexual orientation" are not interchangeable.  And when it comes to sexual orientation, there's a vast array of options.  They're not new, but are becoming less taboo so you will hear more about them now.

At any rate, after TN came out to me to let me know that he's really a boy and not a lesbian as previously shared, my natural next question is "so who do you want to date?"   TN didn't seem to be interested in girls, but naturally I'm thinking that if TN wants to be a boy, it must also involve dating girls, right?  I mean, why become a boy if you like boys, right?  Wrong.  TN shared that he still likes boys and was pretty clear that he liked boys.

As we drove around one day (see, I told you we have many good conversations in the car!), I was all like "Ok, so, you are telling me that you are not a girl.  You are a boy - and you are a gay boy?"  If that sounds bizarre to you, don't worry.  My brain was swirling around in my head as I tried to digest that concept.  Again, I went back to my push to just be a butchy tom boy. I just couldn't understand how TN would want to be a boy if it meant he would not only have the stigma of being transgender but also have the stigma of being gay (and further confusion when people learned that).   From my little understanding about gay men, they are gay because they like men with man parts.  Since TN would never have complete man parts, I didn't understand how he would ever be able to date real gay men.

Again, I am being totally open, honest and vulnerable here with my thoughts.  I was so confused and just wondering how my kid would ever be able to date normally, have a normal relationship, or ever get married.  Oh and please don't think I am worried about TN not getting married because I am being selfish in wanting grandchildren.  That's not it at all.  As a matter of fact, TN told me he did not want to have kids even before he said he was transgender.  I'm totally ok with that.  What worries me is him having to "settle" on choosing someone who may not be the right person simply because the dating pool will be smaller.

Back to my original comment that there are many options with sexual orientation... Through the years, I have been exposed to and met a variety of people all over the gender spectrum and who fit in many different sexual orientations.  It seems that the "pansexual" population is growing (or becoming more visible).  In a nutshell, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of any sex or gender.  In other words, they don't care what's in your pants or in which section of the clothing store you shop.

So with that said, it seems that tiny dating pool I thought existed may end up being a little larger than I feared.  I still think it's smaller.  However, if TN ends up living in more progressive and liberal areas, I'm sure the pool will be larger.

No comments:

Post a Comment